I usually arrive at this point multiple times in a year. Yeah, this is a confession post, but one I don't make lightly.

God.

let me repeat this.

GOD.

I don't know *when* it happened, but somewhere we just got used to the idea of Him.

I don't know if you get the profundity of my statement. We got *used* to the idea of God. The idea of a force/entity/being so powerful, so magnanimous, so unbelievably good and amazing that He created this puny little world of fleshy creatures and actually really, really cares about it.

Wow. I mean. I guess I should put it that way more often.

We got used to the idea that the most powerful thing EVER cares about each individual fleshy life and sees to it that each individual is loved and cared for personally. I mean, hey, I'm sitting in a crappy computer lab right now, but there's this incredible force watching over me right. now. I guess I should at least sit up straight or something.

The biggest struggle I have of course is believing in this force every day. But When I Do. When I Do. Possibilities. Happiness. Love. It pours out of me so naturally I feel like someone popped a cork in my chest and my heart has just leapt from my ribcage. Yeah, I could romance you with this kind of writing for a long time, but the point is there *is* something out there watching over us. It's apart from us, yet so completely ingrained in us we can't live without it. That's our life, you know? Incredible.

So I don't know all of the answers.

I don't know how I feel about same sex marriage, especially when those who are allowed to get married abuse it so widely.
I don't know why children have to die while I get to live my own sad excuse of a life.
I don't know why people tear themselves apart with meaningless sex and rotting relationships.
I don't know if that man should be condemned to die.
I don't know why we keep consuming and never give back.


But I know. I *know* that there's a God out there who for some RIDICULOUSLY obscure reason actually knows all of the right answers. And if my time with Him does *any* good at all while I'm here for the short second of time that is my life, I guess maybe I should give myself completely. God knows nothing else I've ever given myself to has been worthwhile.


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